How to Deal with Bullies

Facts About Bullying

The question of how to deal with bullies has been around for ages. For far too long, bullying has simply been accepted as some perverse rite of passage that “everyone” goes through. People with this point of view most likely never spent time as the actual victim of severe bullying.  Some of the latest statistics on bullying report that one in three kids attending middle or high school says that they have experienced bullying first hand.  Today’s stories of bullying are not limited to the halls and playgrounds of schools.  Facebook bullying and other forms of cyber bullying have taken things to a new level as bullies are now able to dish out their torment in a much more disconnected and anonymous way.  New laws are being put into place to help victims, but every parent, teacher, and other person in a position to help, needs to do all that they can to get things turned around.

Being bullied is an extremely painful experience and asking kids to deal with it on their own is not acceptable. The problem needs to be brought into the light so that there can be a paradigm shift in how our culture views the situation. The power is taken away from bullies when the people around the situation leave no doubt that the behavior is unacceptable. The goal of this site is to point people toward information and resources that will help make this change come about. I went through bullying on my own as a child, but what finally inspired me to take action and get this site put together was my own daughter being harassed by classmates who were sending threatening and offensive text messages. That was eventually resolved by going to our local authorities, but it made it very apparent to me that we all need to make resolving this problem a high priority.

When I was younger, I experienced what it was like to be bullied. Now that I’m older, one of the things I’ve learned is how to get things seen on the Internet. This site is my way of giving back and hopefully pointing people who are hurting toward the resources they need. I also want to let anyone who is going through the hell of being bullied know that they are not alone and that there is help for them. They should never accept being bullied as their lot in life.

Bullying in school settings is troubling because it can affect the physical, mental and spiritual health of kids. Taking abuse on a daily basis will do that to you. Some kids have to deal with actual physical daily abuse. Think about that. This should NEVER be allowed to happen. According to the latest statistics, three-fourths of all kids say they have been bullied at some point in their educational experience. This is simply not acceptable.

Much of the advice offered when dealing with bullies concerns avoiding the bully — though not running away or hiding from him or her. Sometimes this is enough, but bullies can be persistent when they have chosen a victim. No one should have to spend their days avoiding others, or living in fear. No one should feel that they are alone when they are getting picked on. Someone getting bullied should get help. There is no shame in asking a teacher, school administrator or even the authorities for help when it is needed. Many people and organizations are ready to help, but they have to be made aware of the problem, because all too often, bullying is done where no one else can see it happening.

Anti-bullying campaigns sometimes suggest that a child who is being bullied should learn to move through his day with a “buddy.”  This is generally another child who is his friend and ally. This may help, but the child should still inform an adult that the bullying is taking place. If that adult doesn’t help, the victim should move on the next adult. Children should never be allowed to believe that they deserve the abuse.  They do not.

If you are an adult reading this, and you have already tried strategies for dealing with bullying, you may be feeling frustrated.  That is understandable, but you cannot give up.  If the behavior continues, you may have to make the harassment a case for a school principal or even the legal system to resolve. Since bullying has become pandemic among school-age children, many states have passed laws that protect children from abusive peers. Check your state laws to see which laws can help you get your child out of a bullying situation. Don’t give up.

Teen Bullying

Knowing how to deal with teenage bullies is a bit different than dealing with younger children. Teens use a lot more gadgetry to communicate — like cell phones, email, social media networks or even virtual online games. Therefore, the terrain for bullying expands exponentially as a child grows older. Cyber bullying stories have become much too common today, and these stories have far too many tragic endings.  Cyber bullies can find ways to hide their identity and stalk their peers.  They will sometimes threaten them or pirate personal information and use it to destroy their reputations or steal their identities. Cyberspace is ripe ground for carrying out almost any kind of threat and the realm of contact stretches far beyond the classroom.  Parents absolutely must get themselves involved in the lives of their teenagers.  Don’t worry about being seen as nosy if you suspect something is going on using the technology that you are paying for and providing to your teenager.  Just because they are starting to look like adults does not mean that they are acting like it.

Adult Bullies

Bullying among adults can and does also take place. Sometimes this happens in the workplace or in family settings. On the job bullying is particularly troubling because it places the bullied person in a very precarious situation. He is usually quite fearful about losing his job and the means by which he earns a living. Often, rather than confront a workplace bully, an employee will use up all available sick and vacation time to avoid the situation.  Obviously this is only a very short term solution, and many times people end up actually leaving a job that they otherwise enjoy just to escape the abuse.

Sometimes, the bullying that happens on a job is committed by a senior manager or an immediate boss.  This may or may not be intentional.  Not every manager knows that his management style is oppressive. The first action you can take to stop this type of bullying is to inform the manager of your feelings.  If you belong to a union, or have an employee representative available, you may want to take them with you.  Practice what you will say with a family member or trusted friend first to be sure you are staying professional.  When dealing with an abusive boss, you should follow the proper channels as much as possible.

If that kind of civil talk does not work, it may take an escalation to a higher authority. If you must take it to higher levels of management, make sure that you go into any meeting about bullying armed with both full knowledge of company policy around the subject, and a thorough knowledge of the law (criminal and EEOC). You may have to file a formal complaint with your company or local authorities, but one of these methods should work to stop bullying. If necessary, seek legal counsel. If by some chance, you take these measures and the bullying seems to be ingrained in the unspoken philosophies of the company, it may be time to find another job.

Bullying Books

Although there are many helpful bullying articles available online, many people still prefer reading books.  There are many helpful bullying books available today that address a variety of bullying situations.  These books are often very focused on one particular area of the bullying problem in society.  Teachers and others who deal with a variety of students on a daily basis might prefer looking for something that addresses the causes of bullying, or possibly some anti-bullying activities.  Obviously, there could be many factors at play when one child gets it into their mind to bully another student.  Getting to the root of the problem makes more sense than running around every day trying to put out fires in the classroom.  Parents may be more interested in finding as many options as possible for dealing with bullying on a much more personal level.  There are also plenty of books that address this area of concern.

Bullying Videos

Below is a video that I found online. I hope it will help bullies to see the light. I hope it will also help victims to find help.

One of the names that has become well known recently in helping with the bullying problem is Jodee Blanco. She has become a popular speaker at schools that are trying to improve their situations. She is far from the only voice out there, but she does a particularly good job of getting her message across. She has written a book titled Please Stop Laughing at Us . . .: One Survivor’s Extraordinary Quest to Prevent School Bullying (click to see Amazon price) that you may want to check out.

This video features Miss Blanco talking to a group of high school students.

There are things we can do to make ourselves less likely to become victims of a bully. There are changes we can make in our approach to life that may indeed help. For most kids being bullied though, these are more long term solutions. A desperate and scared kid needs help as soon as possible. If you are in a position to lend that help, DO IT.